Ready, Set, Action!
by andzone
Summary: Just what do all of the bleach-characters do in their spare time when they're not busy filming the new episodes? Rated 'T' cuz of a bit of swearing and who knows what else in future chapters. Not that anyone really cares about rating anyway...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Yeah, this is my first attempt to fanfiction** (please don't judge my spelling, I'm just a kid *puppy eyes*)**. Pretty short, but I'll write more chapters as soon as I find some inspiration under my carpet**. **Ideas, anyone?**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own bleach, and not the diamondmines in africa either.  
**

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Ichigo Kurosaki had not slept very much. In fact, he had barely gotten any sleep at all. Therefore the orange-haired teen was NOT HAPPY with the loud knocking and muffled "Mr Kurosaki?" on the other side of his door. NOT AT ALL. But since he knew the next step in the let's-all-wake-up-ichigo-early-in-the-morning-ceremony would be much _much_ worse, he decided he might as well get it overwith before things got from bad to... Rukia's drawingskills-bad, or Orihime's curry with blue beanpaste- and chocolatefudge porridge- sandwiches - bad (which is pretty much as bad as it gets).

The door opened and the teen hid himself under the covers to save his burning eyes from the evil light. The woman closed the door and stared at him with a serious look on her face.

"Mr. Kurosaki, Sir, you have to get up. Now!"

"Whuzzgoin'on? Keep it down, wouldya? Not so loud..."

"I am truly sorry sir, but we are running late. Breakfast it nearly over and you are to be ready in a little less than 4 hours."

The fifteenyearold groaned and wrapped the covers tighter around himself.

"Tell'em I'm busy. Too tired... and cut it with the 'sir' crap already"

His assistent sighed. "I already told the director about your and the others... condition, but I'm afraid he refused to honor my request of letting you take a day off. He said that 'due to an extremly tight and pressed schedule, I cannot allow any disturbance whatsoever during the production and making of the BLEACH series'... sir, are you listening?"

If the loud snoring wasn't a clear enought hint, I don't know what could be.

She poked him.

"Wha..? Why are you still here?"

"Mr. Kurosaki Ichigo, please forgive me, but the director told me himself that I had to get you up and ready using _any means necessary_. And I do believe that includes using 'them'..."

The brown eyes shot wide open.

"Wha... But.. you can't be serious? That's cheating!"

Both of them understood that "them" was one of many nicknames for "it", or "holy shit" och just simply "run for it!", aka the crazy mob of hysteric bleach fangirls.

"But sir, I'm afraid I have no other choice in the matter. The director said any eventual hangover could not be excused as he warned you both before and during last nights ingestion of drinks containing any form of alcohol that he would make no excuse whatsoever..."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. What time is it anyway?"

"5 am, which means you now have 10 minutes untill breakfast is finished, and you are to be ready to shoot in 3 hours and 37 minutes"

Ichigo groaned. 5 am? He'd been sleeping for 2 hours, for crying out loud! Can't a busy young actor get some rest?

"You have 2 minutes to get dressed. When that time has passed, I'm afraid I'll have no other choice but to bring 'it' and..."

"Okay! Enough already! I will! Just... don't call them... please?"

The cruel assistant nodded lightly, and an evil smile spread across her face.

"1 minute 46 seconds..."

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**A/N Oookayy... is that as bad as I think it is? Sure hope not...**

**Anyway, I have no idea how this works, so I'll just have to test and see if the milk gets sour.**

**Would REALLY appreciate it if you'd review, but since I know how annoying it is when people keep shoving it up your face I'll try not to ^^  
**

**Any ideas, tips or spoons are welcome. Anyone got a good name for that creepy-ass assistant?... yeah, I'll shut up.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Okay, so here's the second chapter. I know this one's probably _really_ boring but it was necessary *sniff***. **I guess these first two chapters are more of a prolouge than an important part of the story, but you'll just have to bear with it 'till the real characters comes in - which would be in the next chapter.**

** and I still don't own bleach  
**

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With 1 minute and 32 seconds to spare, the door flew open with a bang and a panting, halfdressed Ichigo ran out of his room with his shirt in a tight grip. The woman clicked her stopwatch and then stared at him with her you-are-creeping-me-out-please-dont-kill-me emotionless face as he pulled on the shirt.

"I am most impressed to see you are out of bed already, sir. I did not expect you to honor the director's wishes with such immediate actions, although I am very glad you take such responsibility and... "

"'Honor the director's wishes' my ass! You freakin' forced me to!"

"I am sorry sir, but you must have misunderstood me, which is quite understandable considering you were still in bed and suffering from lack of sleep and a severe hangover due to your consumtion of alcoholic drinks last night, so there is no reason to be ashamed of the fact that you did not understand me. I did not, in any way, _force_ you, as you had a choice in the matter whether you would..."

"Staying in bed, waiting for 'them' isn't a choice! It's a death sentence!"

"And since you, of your own free will, _chose_ not to die, you were not forced to do anything. Althought I too would have chose to get up and get dressed. It's quite preferable not to get mangled by an army of Ichigo-hungry fans. If I may say so, sire."

Ichigo sighed. Now fully dressed, he reached for the cup of coffee his assistant handed him and yawned. It was waaaay too early to start a real fight, and he had to go get some breakfast before the cafeteria closed or the director would... he honestly didn't want to know what the director would do. They walked through the corridors, passing the other character's rooms on the way to the cafeteria.

"Come on, I told you already! Stop calling me sir."

"But sir, what do I call you?"

Ugh, seriously? what's this womans problem?

"I'm Ichigo Kurosaki. Try calling me by my name... umm... miss... what's your name again?"

"Have you forgotten my name, sire?"

"Uh, sorry, I'm terrible with names. And stop it with the 'sir'!"

"It's quite okay, _sir_, I do not mind. After all - names are so insignificant and I do not want to bother you with remembering my own"

She said all of this in one breath and with the creepiest smile on her face. You could actually see the aura of pure creepiness surrounding her. It was kinda purple with some yellow-orange dots in it... anyway, it was _really_ scary.

Ichigo was happily unaware of all this - at least untill his black coffee turned into a sick shade of green. It's true - not many know this but wickedness is highly contagious. Now that I've let you in on the secret you must pass this on to your children - do not drink green coffee. It's bad for you.

"Uh, you really did mind, didn't you?"

_"_Oh no. Not At All. Why do you ask?_"_

It was very clear that she very much minded.

"So... what's you name?"

"..."

"Come on, just answer already"

"It is Sue"

"Sue?"

"Sue E. Side"

~~~dead silence while Ichigo does his best not to burst out laughing his ass off~~~

"... Are you serious? Thats the stupidest name I've ever heard!"

The coffee(?) started to fizzle and turned yellow. Way to go Ichigo. Congratulations.

"You think so? It is quite a funny thing you would say that, Mr. Strawberry-chan, sir"

Said Strawberry-chan was just about to explode when he noticed the bubbling yellow liquid was melting the cup.

"... N-no. I just thought it was an... unusual name. But it's very nice!"

Sue (Elsa Side) smiled.

"Do you really think so? I am so very glad... _Because now I do not have to hurt you_. We must hurry to the cafeteria or the director will not be pleased."

"Uhh, yeah"

Oh god, What did I ever do to you? the poor boy asked himself while running after the demon in human form

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**A/N Aww, poor Ichigo XD I swear, Sue must be some evil creation made up by the darkest forces there is - screw Aizen. I dunno, Ichimaru's cousin? And what if you mixed wet potatochips and cherry icecream with a couple of scissors? Anyway, it'll take a while 'till I can write and upload the next chapter - summer vacations 'n stuff. But I'll have it ready in... let's say 1 ½ week. Anyone got any ideas what will happen next? Yeah, I know, I promised I wouldn't keep nagging about reviews, so liquid butterflies to you all and go eat a banana. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Okay, I finally learned what that "A/N" means ^^ But better late than never, right? I just copied everyone else to look smart but something tells me that didn't work out... Who cares? I've still got my chocolate! Ahem, let's just leave it at that. Anyway, I've been thinking of publishing a new, very different story but I think that'll have to wait since this is story's using up more braincells than I tought. Let's see, I'll dedicate this chapter to... the inhabitants of the sacred Muchroom Jar. May many blueberrys fall upon your left toenails at noon and bring chaphappy ducks to justice! Random? What makes you think? **

**Yeah, that's right! I suddenly turned into a 32yearsold japanese guy named Tite Kubo overnight! I own Bleach! Moahahahahahaha! *plopp* ...and then I woke up.**

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Sirs? May I remind you that you now have 7 minutes to finish your breakfast, and that it would be very much appreciated if you would please hurry up or the entire well-planned schedule will collapse and bring world-destruction?

"Yes, thank you very much for the reminder, Sue. We will be done in a minute or so"

"Thank you very much, sir, for your cooperation"

"Please, call me Sosuke"

"Huh? Oi, Ichigo, what the fuck happened to your ass?"

A panting, half-dead strawberry glared up at Ikkaku Madarame from the floor

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking you asshole!"

A brain-dead, drooling Renji groaned loudly and lifted his head off the plate with cottage cheese smeared all over his face. No one will ever know why Renji ate cottage cheese for breakfast and judging the state he was in - I doubt he knew why either.

"Too... loud... grmfzxheaght" the living hangover said before passing out, face down, in the white, sticky... stuff (**just cottage cheese, everyone! Nothing else!**).

The evil traitor Sosuke Aizen, who betrayed the soul society and murdered the entire central 46 sighed into his coffee and shook his head at the mess as Ichigo shoved said mess aside to make room for himself (really unnecessary, since the rest of the cafeteria was empty).

"Oh Renji, what am I supposed to do with you? You can't go around and drink yourself unconscious every weekend. I know it's new and fun at the moment, but please - you have to think ahead. In 10 years or so your body will have become a barely breathing wreck, and you will ask yourself 'why did I ever start drinking?' It's your future we're talking about here! By the way, did you know the risk of becoming an alcoholic is much greater if you start at a young age? I think the risk drops by 19% each year you something something something nag nag nag nag"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and stole Ikkaku's sandwich and shoved it into his mouth, praying the 'thou shall not drink the devil's water' - speech would come to an end once the preaching actor realized they weren't listening. The ex-owner of the stolen sandwich was slowly leaving the table and sneaked away towards the closest emergency exit.

"Look, I think he is waking up!" Sue loudly proclaimed, interrupting Aizen's alcohol-speech, as she lifted the poor Renji to his feet. Only to see him fall to the floor in a moaning, disorientated heap covered with cottage cheese and green leek. But hey, at least he's awake! Pleased with the result, Sue E Side nodded slightly and pulled the poor man up by his long hair and fired off a freaky smile right into Renji's (despite the white goo) unprotected face.

"I greet you a good morning, Mr. Abarai Renji Sir" she said, tilting her head to the side "I beg for your forgivneess, but I must regrettably disturb your meal. You are running late to your appointment at the make-ups, and they will not take your delay very lightly, I am afraid. Please, do follow me, or _I will have to make you. _I hope you enjoyed your breakfast, sir."

Renji gulped. 'Why does this always happen to me? Hey god, what did I ever do to you? What am I doing here? And why's my face covered with white sticky... I don't wanna know.'

"Uh, yeah! Right! Okay, I'll go! I'll go on my own!"

Back at the table Ichigo tried to muffle the sound of his laughter using the half-chewed sandwich, resulting only with a very dirty tablecloth and a lot of mature-content language from Aizen.

'Man, feels good not to be the one chopped up for once!' he thought. The sight of Renji getting beat up by a girl (even if that girl happened to be a monster), covered with white sticky stuff was just too much.

"What the fuck?"

"Hahahahaha, sorry Renji, I just... pfffftahahahahahaha~

Renji glared at the teen rolling around on the floor laughing like an idiot. Then the scowl changed. The man's evil grin covered the whole face.

"Say, Sue, Isn't Mr. Ichigo running late as well? I mean, for such a busy person to be rolling around on the floor doing nothing is a bit..."

It became quiet. Much too quiet. Renji had said the forbidden words.

"Oh my, I almost forgot! Thank you very much, sir, for the reminder." Sue turned her still smiling face to Ichigo. "Words can not express how dishonored I am to have forsaken my duties, sir, but I will do my best to correct my errors. If you would please follow me, I promise I will make it up to you "

"That's okay, really. It's not a big deal and I can take care of it myself and..."

"Oh No, You Must Let Me Help You. I will not let you turn me down, sir"

Sue still held Renji's hair in a firm grip, and now that the tuft began to grow eyes and emit green-coloured smoke, Ichigo decided to just go along with whatever the hell happened

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**A/N Hi, it's me again... remember? I'm aaalways there, watching you from behind... DUCK! Ahhh, seriously! What's wrong with me? okay, I'll try and stick with the story. So this is the 3:rd chapter, and I'll be off to spain in... tomorrow, so I won't update for at least another week. I think it's a week, not sure, my parent never tell me anything. I will now bid you farewell.**

**No I won't. Gula ankor till er alla. Om du kan läsa det här är du antingen svensk eller kollar för mycket på "True Blood" ^^ - And whatever you do - don't translate the holy swedish sentence! It will slowly melt your brain and you won't get right right anyway. You have been warned *glares*  
**

** WIERDOS!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Okay, this time I didn't come up with any good excuse, so this chapter's late just because I'm lazy. But I'll have access to internet for at least 2 weeks or so (if I'm lucky) so the next update shouldn't take so long. Oh, and I just realised how short the chapters are and I'll do my best to make them longer *Waves fist in the air* But seriously - you shouldn't expect so much... I'm a sick individual! Did you know each time you sneeze some of your brincells die? And I swear this heat makes me have the weirdest dreams... And when I say it's weird - then it's WEIRD. I mean, what's up with Lord Nelson, people? And no, I can't write this early in the morning.  
**

**Oh, come ON! If I owned bleach I wouldn't write fanfic now, would I?  
**

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"Aha! There you are! Where have you been? I don't care, let's get to work already"

And with those words, some random people kidnapped Renji and pinned him down in a chair where they immediately wiped the white goo off his face (trying very hard not to ask what it was or where -or whom- it came from). The makeup artists applied some unknown liquids in Renji's face, shaking their heads at the poor condition the hung-over actor was in. To his right, similar scenes took place when the stressed workers did their best to make Ulquiorra, Yumichika and Mayuri Kurotsuchi look their worst... yeah, they'd shoot their omg-they-are-dying-but-no-bleach-character-ever-die-so-they'll-make-a-huge-comeback-as-soon-as-they-get-their-asses-kicked in a few hours (except for Ulquiorra... he died for real. Oops, spoiler warning. Not sure though, I haven't read the manga. Does he make a comeback? Why do I feel like I'm ruining the entire chapter with this parenthesis?). The dead-tired actors didn't exactly make the job much easier for the poor makeup artists, and a few of them looked like they were about to shove the foundation brushes down the ever-nagging Yumichika's complaining throat when he constantly scolded them for doing their job wrong and not making his I'mabouttodie- face beautiful enough.

Ulquiorra, on the other hand, didn't do anything. He just sat there and looked as bored and empty as ever. But Renji could swear there was a close-to-non existent smile in the right corner of his painted lips as they applied an enormous amount of mascara on his heavy eyelashes.

To his right, a team consisting of 16 makeup artists were working their butts off to paint Mayuri's bored face black and white, while 5 sweating hairstylists coloured the actor's hair indigo blue while cursing Tite Kubo's decision to make the 12th division's captain so weird-looking.

Renji's scream of pain echoed down the corridors as the annoyed-as-hell hairstylists harshly dyed his naturally black hair bright red.

In the meantime, Ichigo (who'd used Renji as a decoy to make his escape from the pissed-off makeup artists) said a few tired g'mornin's to his equally tired co-workers while making his way towards the enormous movie-set depicting the 9th espada's palace.

The light faded from Rukia's eyes as espada number 9, Aaroniero Arruruiere, ran her through with Nejibana's blade. Kaien Shiba's eyes glowed with madness and his mouth displayed a wicked grin. Kaien Shiba, former lieutenant of squad 13. Loved by his officers, loved by his subordinates and loved by Rukia, whose limp body now hung high up above the world, raised like a flag with the oh-so-familiar trident as a flagpole. Her grip on Shirayuki, the white blade, slackened as her life flashed before her eyes. "Never die alone". Of course not, but now it just... 'sorry, everyone' she thought as her hand grabbed Nejibana's shaft.

"I finally... remembered"

"Remembered what?" Kaien's voice was dark. Rukia slowly lifted the broken Shirayuki to point it at the disguised espada.

He was annoyed when he spoke. "Whatever you're doing it's a useless gesture. Are you going to take me on with that stump of a sword? You're pathetic! Accept defeat!"

"S-san no mai-"

Kaien's face looked up in light surprise "hmm?"

"Shira..."

Time stood still. The blade of ice pierced though the skin, the muscles and beneath it, the glass sphere and the skull.

"...Shirafune"

His eyes widened in shock

"Impossible" he whispered

"I finally remembered... where his heart resides" it was only a hoarse whisper now, but Rukia's voice was strong "You may have Kaien Shiba's bod-" "_CUT!_"

Everyone got startled when the guy in the chair yelled out through the paper cone.

"Cut cut cut!"

Both Rukia and Kaien sighed and rolled their eyes when the man threw the paper cone on the floor and jumped up and down untill it was flat and the director suddenly remembered he wasn't 6 years old. Then he continued to stomp on the white, once cone-formed paper.

"Argh! You're both doing it wrong!"

The short japanese guy furiously pointed at his film crew, who all sighed and groaned. 'Here we go again...'

"Rukia! It's your long lost first love here! Come on, his body's been devoured by this guy" *pointing at Aaroniero* "and now he's using it to do his... evilish deeds! A bit of anger if you please!"

"And you!" he continued, now glaring at Kaien Shiba, "You're not Kaien anymore! Forget Kaien! Right now, you're Espada number nine! You are way too... I don't know, but you're something and this something's not right! Get it right!" Not making any sense, but still going on ranting the director turned to the cameraman and a terrified Aaroniero and screamed something incomprehensible while the safety team tied down the actors from their safety lines.

"So you're done filming, eh?"

"I hope so, I don't know how much more of this I can take" Rukia said, nodding towards the red-faced, screaming director, and snatched Ichigo's coffee right out of his hands (I guess he'd gotten himself a new cup of coffee, since the last one melted)

"Hey! That was mine! Give it back"

"Too bad, go get your own"

"Why you little... I need that! Do you have any idea what I've been through this morning? My head's killing me"

"It's not my fault you got so carried away last night. I told you, 'if you drink too much, you're gonna regret it tomorrow'" Rukia drank the coffee. All of it. All of the essen-commercial magic liquid that fuels the human body. It all went down the midget's throat. Ichigo crossed his arms in an attempt not to strangle the woman.

"Oh yeah? Well you said it while distracting me, and it didn't look like you minded me getting carried away..."

"Hey hey, what are we arguing about here?" Kaien just had to plop his head into the conversation. "Wait, don't tell me you guys threw a party? How come no-one thought of inviting me?"

"Probably because you're pretty much identical to Ichigo, and one strawberry at a party is already one too much"

Said Ichigo nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that's... wait. Hey! Yoruichi!"

She was right. Ichigo and Kaien were just too alike. Rukia tilted her head to one side. Why would the director even bother to hire both of them? A hair dye and tada! A black-haired Ichigo named Kaien! Now that she thought about it, why bother with Renji and Ikkaku when you had Ichigo? A bald Ichigo with red makeup would easily turn into Ikkaku, and as long as he wore a wig and some tattooish marks he could call himself Renji too. Hmm, maybe the director just hadn't thought about it?

"Yoruichi! Kisuke! Thank god, how's the movie set for the Karakura battle-shot looking? Is it ready yet? Can I see it?" The small japanese director jumped (once again) up and down in excitement like an annoying brat on christmas day.

Urahara sweatdropped

"Well, we're still working on it. Some of the building's aren't done yet, and the camera-team's installing the overview cameras. It took a bit longer than expected, but it should be done in a few hours. No need to worry"

The little man's eyes narrowed

"What are you standing around here for then? Go get it fixed already! Remember it's me who writes your paycheck"

Ugh. I swear. One day that guy's gonna have a hell of a heartattack.

"But enough about that. Where is everyone?"

Very true - the only one's there was Ichigo (still mad about the demise of his coffee), Rukia, a very depressed and sulking Kaien, the camera- and safety teams and Yoruichi and Urahara. Oh, and Aaroniero too, but he had hidden in a corner complaining about the light so nobody cared about him.

They all shot nervous glances at each other under the furious stare of the angry director.

"Umm, well... you see... it's kinda funny... heheheh"

The short man's eyes told them it wasn't funny at all.

"Tell me. What. Happened. To. My. Staff?"

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**A/N My deepest apologies to Bleach's director for making him such a bitch. But we're finally getting somewhere! Future chapters won't be as boring (or at least I hope so). Oooo, I wonder what Ichigo and Rukia was up to last night *wink wink* or no I don't, but you might. And it's true - I don't read the manga. Or yes, I do, but I never read ahead of the anime - it'd ruin the OMGITSNOTPOSSIBLE-moments. I wonder who'd play Ichigo if Bleach ever became a real movie (you know... with real actors 'n stuff... coolish).  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hooray! I've got my kid brother to start reading manga! Soon I will have him under my controll moahahahahaha! And I discovered they've made an anime out of Highschool of the dead. About time, but hey - better late than never! And yeah, I know this chapter isn't very long but trust me, it'll get better. I've written a bit on the next chappie so it shouldn't take so long *note _should_* I don't know, but I just can't write long chapters :/ I'll blame the lazy-gene^^  
**

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"What is this?"

Everyone's heads turned, and they all thanked the merciful flying spaghetti monster for sending the distraction.

"N-Niisama? I thought you were busy filming the battle scene with the 7th espada?"

Byakuya slowly turned to his sister, and shot off a death-stare at the silent crowd with those dead-fish eyes of his. Fishy fishy minus the slime.

"It would seem we were interrupted by this ruckus" (...and that's how you make 7 people swallow at the exact same time, folks)

The Kuchiki was joined by espada number seven, Zommari Leroux, and an unsteady Hanataro, stumbling under the weight of the beaten up, unconscious and bleeding Rukia he was carrying. He dropped the heavy doll to the floor, just to yell out in pain seconds after when the boy realised the prop had landed on his foot, though nobody seemed to notice (or maybe they did - they just didn't care... as usual).

"Is there a problem, director?" Byakuya asked the little man, while his gaze fell on Ichigo (who gulped) and a faint smile twisted his pale lips. "Because if it is, I'd be happy to... dispose of it"

Ichigo started sweating all over. Was he threatening him? Sure looked like it, the way he was staring at him. Byakuya couldn't just kill him, now could he? What? What was going on? Stop staring, please. Just do something goddamnit!

"Oh no, it's not something I could ever ask you to do, Byakuya sir. After all, it's your generosity that keeps us floating. If not for your company's donations, the entire projekt would crash. We're in your debt, Byakuya-sama. Anyway, I was just about to ask these people to go looking for our missing crew. Right, Ichigo-kun?"

Have anyone ever seen a strawberry sweatdrop? Well it did now. 'Aha, so that's how you get all these people to lick your shoes? Damn these wealthy rich snobs!'

"Uh, yeah, sure" Ichigo sighed. 'Why always me?' "So, we're looking for the others, huh? Okay, if Hanataro and Kaien go search in the cafeteria, then Aaroniero and... uhm... sorry, what's your name? espada guy? Could you look in the-"

"Hey hey hey! You can't just walk around 'n call me whatever you want! That's exactly why I hate you racist bastards!" Zommari screamed, pointing at the carrottop with eyes the size of Byakuya's ego.

"W-what? How can you call me racist just because I don't know your name? I've never met you before in my life!" Ichigo shouted back, while Hanataro and Kaien decided this was a very good opportunity to sneak away without drawing any attention to themselves, and the director was just too busy kissing Byakuya's rich ass to notice.

"Oh? Is that so? Then how come you remembered Aaaron's name? You've never met him either, but he's white! Of course you'd know his name. You racist fucker!"

"Hey, I keep telling you, I'm not racist! I knew his name because I heard them talked about him just now! Besides..." Ichigo said as he eyed Aaroniero's crouching figure "isn't he more like... purple or something?"

Aaroniero looked up, and his lower... jaws (?) started trembling. "I-I'm not purple... am I?" *glancing down at his very purple body and then chocking everyone by bursting out crying like the picked-on baby he was*

"All- *sniff* -all p-people ever ask-asked me about w-was my faces and th-the octopus!" he wailed, burying his - head? heads? craniums? oh whatever - lava lamp in Sue's chest (yeah, when you're feeling down - you can always turn to Sue E Side... *cough* I didn't say that) "N-not even once did-did they ask me h-how I feel! I *sniff* told th-them off, b-but all I r-really wanted was to be loved!" The water in the closed glass sphere was reaching an alarming level. Soon the fishbowl would burst of all the tears and all of the little fishies... skulls -would hit the floor and squiggle on the ground, gasping for air while slowly dissolving into a mushy squishy... A very sick, disturbing thought.

Sue, who'd suddenly popped up outta nowhere, patted his shoulder *there there* and then glared accusingly at Ichigo.

"He is right, sir. You should not judge people by their appearance" Ichigo, still lost in weird thoughts, suddenly realised that everyone was against him. Seriously, they were standing around him in a circle, looking down at him as if they were about to start kicking him any second.

"But I never did! Look, I'm friends with Chad, and he's mexican. Right Chad?"

Chad -who must have come with Sue (who was doing her best to try to calm Aaroniero down, by petting him on the glass-bulb)- just stood there, creeping everyone out.

"...My name is Yasutora Sado. Not Chad."

"HA!" Zommari spat out, succeeding in bursting Ichigo's eardrums in the process. "See? You forgot his name too! Your own friend! You disgust me. LET'S SUE HIS RACIST ASS!"

"YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!" All of a sudden, this huge crowd, complete with demonstration signs, popped up and - with a very confused Kaname Tousen in the lead mumbling something about 'this is justice' - the equipage took off with Zommari and Chad lifted above their heads and Sue - with a still sobbing Aaroniero clutching her arm - in the back, towing after them.

Ichigo was left on the floor, his eye twitching, Rukia looked up at the sealing and wondered when it would start to rain, Kaien and Hanatarou was nowhere to be found, Urahara went back to work on the movie-set and wondered when Yoruichi would return from the anti-racist-demonstration, and the director just realised what had happened and went off somewhere to find something for his headache. Byakuya swirled around with his haori flying in the wind and walked away with his nose in the air(while his servants were left to follow him while towing the gigantic fan behind him). Little did he know there was a big invisible sign over his head screaming 'drama queen'.

Ichigo snapped out of his chocked, slightly drooling condition when Rukia dragged him to his feet by his shirt.

"Come on, I know where some of them might be" she said while tugging him towards the doors leading to the other actor's dormitories.

He shook off her hand and followed her through the corridors.

"Are you sure? I don't really feel like running around all over the place just to discover they're not there" he asked her sceptically. Rukia rolled her eyes to the question, reading the name-signs to the doors they passed.

"Trust me, in their condition they're not going anywhere"

* * *

**A/N Hmm, for a moment, Sue kinda reminded me of Dexter with his sympathetic "there there". Ever read those books? Imagine a schizophrenic Ulquiorra with killing tendencies, pretending to be human when he's really a psyko with a big empty hole in his chest where it's supposed to be a heart, living in Miami with his cop-sister Rukia and his blonde wife Orihime with her two kids Senna and Chad... kinda... please don't hate me. **

**Anyway, that espada guy... umm... *doesn't check google at all* Z-something (Tite Kubo is an amazing artist, has he a sick sense of names or what? o.O I mean... Aaroniero Arruruire - that's pretty much as weird as it gets! If I had my own manga, I'd never name the characters something that stupid, right Sue? ...Sue? You're supposed to agree with me!). He may be a bit out off character, but this is his actor, people! Not him! I got my inspiration from an old classmate of mine. He always stood up and screamed "fuckin' razi" as soon as you commented his foodplates XD **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Told you it wouldn't take so long! Finally something's happening! I think I'm gonna write a flashback later on just for the fun of it^^  
**

**And it looks like Spain won the World Cup. Congrats, Spain! Even though I rooted for the Netherlands. I'm usualy not really that much into sports, but you just gotta love those orange clothes XD Like last time, when they wore bright orange shirts, the same colour for the shorts and then light blue socks! **

* * *

They stopped at the 11:th door, with a big sign saying 'Shinigami Women's Association - please do not disturb'. Ichigo stared at the sign.

"The SWA have their own loge?" He asked. Rukia just shook her head at his idiocy.

"Of course! Where else would we have all our meetings? We can't be in our own rooms, it'd be too crowded" she sighed. Ichigo just continued to glare at the sign. Then it hit him:

"B-but, hey! Then how come the shinigami men's association always use my room for their meetings?"

Rukia frowned.

"It could have something to do with us getting a new premises... Nii-sama did mention something about 'some minor cleaning up' before we moved in. And as the main character, your room should have the most space."

"I have not!... anyway, are you _sure_ someone's in there?" Ichigo turned to the short actress, who nodded and reached for the handle, slightly hesitating.

"No doubt. I can't really remember all of the details, but before we left I know Yachiru and Matsumoto shouted something about sleepover, and then I heard them in here on the way back to my room"

Ichigo stared up at the ceiling. Last night was just a blur, someone said something and someone else answered. Keigo had fallen asleep while throwing up in the bathroom with his head in the toilet. Tatsuki had constantly cried out "asians can't hold their liqour.. it's these freakish enzyme's we don't have... fuckit!" over and over again for those who were drunk enough to listen. Orihime had giggled and eaten chocolate-frosted pancake batter with sun dried tomatoes from a pink bowl and then... nothing.

All he knew was that they'd been in Shinji's room, and then suddenly all these bottles just popped up. Renji and Ikkaku had challenged him to a chugging contest which Hiyori had won, and then everyone decided it'd be a great idea to go visit the movie-set in the middle of the night. Rukia and Ichigo had gotten tired of all the drunkies and went somewhere and... argh! It was all just a blur!

He swallowed loudly, wondering wtf happened last night. To his left, Rukia blushed deeply as her own memories started to knock on the door, wondering if they could come back.

They just stood there, frozen solid, for who knows how long, doing their best to regain - or in some cases reject - their memories.

"Hello, good morning everyone!"

The scream echoed between the walls when the protagonist couple got startled and slowly turned around to look at their curious co-worker.

Senna stared at them in disbelief. "... Okay... Anyways, what are you two doing down here? Aren't you supposed to meet up with the director?"

"Well, yeah, we did. He told us to go find the others and now we have... so what are you doing here?"

Senna giggled at the question and her hand formed the 'victory' sign. That gesture didn't get popular until England's prime minister Winston Churchill used it during the 2:world war but neither Senna nor Ichigo knew that, so I don't know why I brought it up.

"I've already shot all my scenes for today, so I got the rest of the day off. But why are we all standing around here for if the others are in there? Why are they still asleep anyways?"

Ichigo ran his hand through his hair and just felt really uncomfortable. He didn't exactly feel like telling her they had thrown an unplanned party without thinking of inviting her, but coming up with some bad excuses for the others weren't really his style either so he just avoided the question. Smooth, Ichigo -.-'

"You're right, Senna. Rukia, what are you doing? If you're so sure they're in there - then just open the door already" Said midget glared at him, but still didn't make any move towards the door's handle.

"I don't think they're... feeling so well. Maybe we should just leave them alone for now and come back later."

"What? Are they sick? It can't be all that bad" Senna exclaimed, and grabbed the handle without any hesitation (perhaps because she had no idea what was waiting for her on the other side) "And if the director told us we should find them ourselves, then it has to be an emergency. I'll get it." She nodded and threw the door wide open, and then boldly stepped into the swallowing darkness of the SWA-room while Ichigo and Rukia stood at the entrance and stared at the black hole. They heard a faint, loud 'Wakey wakey' and then the lights went on and Senna disappeared, never to be seen again.

The bright demonic light revealed a growling, pissed-off, still a bit drunk, pulsing and moving hangover.

Yachiru laid, slightly snoring, on top of the wardrobe with neon-green bubblegum all over her pinkish hair and surrounded by empty red bull cans. She held Rukia's favourite black marker tightly in her small fist (god knows how she'd got her hands on that) and judging by the black doodles that covered the entire room and several people, she'd had a lot of fun. Grimmjow, however, would probably not think the same when (or if) he ever discovered that the inerasable ink had been used to draw several uneven whiskers on his cheeks, accompanied by a fat black plump on the nose - obviously intended to look like a cat's nose but since the ink had smeared out, it was now covering half his face. Ichigo swallowed and hoped for god's sake someone would pick the tampoons out of his black nostrils _before_ the blue-haired man woke up.

Hiyori snored loudly, and turned around in the huge bed in the middle of the room. Her grip on the sake bottle slackened and the flask fell to the floor with a small *clink*. As a result, Hiyori grimased and let out a yawn, showing that someone had coloured her teeth bright orange. In her sleep, she reached for Kukaku Shiba's headband and then collapsed, with the clan-leader's boob as a pillow and continued snoring.

Kukaku herself didn't *thank god* notice anything, she just smacked her lips and drooled on, mumbling something about 'idiots... I'll exterminate you all...*hic*'

Wishing very much he wasn't the idiot in question, Ichigo turned around to violently hush a giggling Rukia when she saw the utterly humiliated Grimmjow's situation. Rukia stuck out her tongue at him, but stopped to take a closer look at Tatsuki's unconscious body.

Ichigo leaned over her to confirm what he hoped he hadn't seen from around the bed.

Rukia shook her head i disbelief and carefully lifted the cotton and plastic, wrapped around Tatsuki's left calf to protect the new tattoo and the sheets.

Ichigo shoved Rukia away to get a peek of the permanent decoration on his friend's leg. He groaned at what he saw.

The short woman shrugged while clearing her throat. "Well, at least it doesn't say 'I heart Twilight'" [Sorry, you guys I just had to... Hey! Put down the axe! ]

In big, fat, black letters, the ink spelled the words "This Is Something I'm Gonna Regret" across the calf.

Hichigo suddenly caught their attention by loudly throwing up in a bucket that stood next to him on the floor, but he fell back asleep. Maybe that was just as good, since neither Ichigo nor Rukia was in any mood to explain to him why someone (my guess is a giggling, sugar-high Yachiru) had decided to write 'FACERAPED' all across his pale forehead. Chances that the drunk actor would strangle the first innocent person who'd ask 'are you missing an eyebrow?' was pretty high - most people don't enjoy walking around one eyebrow short. Both of them agreed to leave the room the fastest way possible and tip-toed towards the door, nearly tripping on the sleeping Nanao, who had spread herself across the floor with the glasses upside down on the nose and nail polish covering her heavy eyelids. Ichigo gulped and carefully stepped over the sleeping mass, and Rukia carefully removed a spider making it's way towards the goal; Ise Nanao's wide-open snoring mouth.

The two of them had just closed the Door Of Death when they heard Hichigo scream loud enough to wake the dead, with that hoarse, crazy voice of his.

"Rrhhrrrrahahahahaa! I'm free! Who's the king now horse? HahahaRhrrra Ghhh- "

*Complete silence*

The two stared at each other and then glanced down at the door spring - something very wet, very sticky and very, very red was spreading in the hallway.

Ichigo and Rukia shot a short glance at each other, and ran for it.

* * *

**A/N Nananananananananananana CAT MAN!**

***Herm* No offence, Twilight lövers, but a tattoo? Seriously? Imagine a 90 yearsold wrinkled old hag, and somewhere under all those wrinkles, there's a 75 years old smeared, messy "I heart Edward Cullen"-tattoo. I dunno 'bout you, but I think that's just freaky...  
**

**Don't ask me what Hichigo and Grimmjow were doing at a slumberparty with (at least parts of) the SWA. I have no idea :S  
**

**So if you missed Senna, there you had her. And there she went. And I can assure you Yachiru didn't drink any alcohol. I think she just got a major sugar overdose, and that was just to be expected sooner or later. **


End file.
